half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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