i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
