party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
