in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
