what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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