im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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