he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The dick lei will go down in squad history
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
