we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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