it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
