I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
i think my cat just said my name.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
