Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
