So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
