I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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