ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
