proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
