yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
