Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The air was thick with penises
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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