i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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