Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
