It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
