Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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