Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
