If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Never joke about your clitoris.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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