she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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