Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
How does it feel to date your dad?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
