I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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