At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
