she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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