I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
