making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
