I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
