Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Say something about gay babies.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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