My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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