Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
