420 ftw
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
