carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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