I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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