Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
