i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
did i walk over a car last night?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
