My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
