ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
