you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
