Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
