So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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