Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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