he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
