Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
