I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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