So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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