So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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