I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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