Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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