How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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